Jealous for All the Right Reasons

yellow bikini

Never in my life have I noticed so many bikinis at the beach. I’ve also failed to notice so many fit and healthy girls who wear them. What I have definitely and repeatedly noticed? How I look in my lumpy bumpy clumpy frumpy bathing suit.

There once was a time in my life where the image of toned and tan girls strutting around in their itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikinis would elicit an outward grimace and an inner sigh of defeat. But, this past weekend, while enjoying the Ocean City beach, I was struck by a different perspective on a familiar emotion.

Jealousy.

However, there was no, “Look at that body, she must not eat a thing! Someone get her some chocolate STAT!”

No, “Yeah, her abs look great, but look at those highlights, gag!”

No, “Why couldn’t I be born looking that way?!?”

Instead, my green monster of jealousy took a big ol’ bite of humble pie and dreamily declared:

“Wow, she must have worked really hard to look like that.”

“I bet if I could really get a handle on my health, I could look and feel the same.”

“Someone should compliment her, but not me, because I don’t know her and that’d be creepy…”

Even though I was justifiably jealous over how fit other women were looking in their bikinis, I’m proud of myself for learning that not everything comes easily to everyone. If I want to improve on my already gorgeous physique, it’s going to take hard work instead of heated words.

celebrate bodys

As long as this new found form of jealousy encourages me to focus on improving myself instead of projecting negatively onto others, I don’t see how I can lose with so much bikini body inspiration on my side.

The Green Eyed Monster Lends a Helping Hand

Last night I had a long and crazy dream. It involved Harry Potter, an evil 2-Dimensional frog, and little children who kept trying to throw my laptop into a hotel pool. But, it was another image that had the biggest affect upon my nighttime fantasies.

I was getting off of a bus and filing into a hotel when I noticed my friend Lisa standing in front of me. Lisa has always been slightly heavy, but my dream version of her had lost significant weight and was looking great. As I continued walking towards her, I was overcome with jealousy at her amazing transformation and wanted nothing more than to bring down her accomplishment and prove how much better I was than her.

Harsh. I’m not proud of dream Katy. I wouldn’t want to be friends with dream Katy. But I also recognize where dream Katy is coming from.

Not all green eyed monsters are bad

Not all green eyed monsters are bad

I haven’t been doing that well with my weight loss, and I think I needed a kick like this to spur me into action. Why should I sit on the side munching on potato chips while everyone else jogs right on by? I could either lash out at others as they progress, or I could recognize that I have the potential to change myself and happily join the world in success.

I wasn’t happy with a lot that happened in the dream. I wasn’t happy with how I felt about myself, how I was acting towards a good friend, and how I didn’t care about changing.

But now that I’m awake, I’m ready to change not just my body, but my attitude.

chasing a dream