Both of my parents are overweight. My brother has horrible eating habits. My boyfriend does not exercise. My friends would rather eat cake than carrots.
All around me it seems that the people I care about do not want the same thing as me. I’m not trying to coerce them into joining me on a weight loss excursion, but I would like them to take into account how difficult it is for me to be with people who are not only not participating in my activities, but whose actions go directly against my healthier lifestyle.
But how to tell your mother that even if you don’t eat seconds, it doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate her cooking?
How to tell your father that if you’d rather run on the treadmill in the morning than go out for donuts, you still love spending time with him?
To tell your brother that a whole bag of chips does not equate to a serving size seems an impossible task.
Telling your boyfriend that going for a walk is jus as nice as video games would be a struggle.
I have some ground work to lay down over the next few weeks while I’m back at home during winter break. And I think it’s about time that I set up a support system for myself so that my setting is actually working for me rather than against me.
I don’t tell people that I’m trying to lose weight.
I say that my stomach hurts to explain away saying no to cake. I tell people that I’m meeting friends at the gym to ensure that I couldn’t break my plans with the elliptical. And I pay no attention to how my clothes fit so that people don’t know how often I think of my body.
I don’t like drawing attention to the fact that I’m trying to be healthier.
And I know exactly why:
I don’t want the embarrassment that comes with professing to be so devoted to my health, only to renege on my goals and go back to openly professing my love of brownie style cookies.
Because that’s what happens. A lot. I prove exactly how much I’d like to get and stay fit by going to the gym every day, eating exactly the right foods, and beinga model of excellence for all of those with similar goals. And then something happens that makes me slip (that unknowable force that suddenly takes away the happiness you feel when running and leaves your only source of satisfaction as entirely dependent on consuming an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s) and I’m left floundering to explain to those same people that I suddenly don’t have plans with friends at the gym and that my stomach is miraculously feeling better and do you have any extra cheese I can put on this sandwich?
I know that it would be good to get support from those around me, and I know that so many people would be there to cheer me on if I could only be open and honest with them, but that’s hard when I’ve rightfully come to expect failure from myself.
I’m hurting and it’s not the good ache achieved after an hour spent running. This is the pain that only hurtful words and a lack of support can cause.
Over the weekend I was told by a loved one that:
- They didn’t like that I fall asleep so early.
- They didn’t like that I’ve become pescetarian.
- They didn’t like that I was becoming so health and fitness conscious.
I feel crushed. I’ve never had a great support system and there are many people in my life who don’t think me capable of achieving my goals or who don’t think I’m making the right decision. And it’s a crushing feeling that I’ve become accustomed to. However, how do you adapt when a personal pillar of support joins the others standing opposed to not just my choices, but myself? Because all of those “faults” define who I am.
- I fall asleep early because I’m a sleepy person and simply can’t help myself. That doesn’t mean that I’m not active and engaged the rest of the day. Why am I even bothered by this?
- I am a pescetarian because I care about animals and their happiness. That doesn’t mean that I am trying to force my view onto others.
- I have taken control of my health because I am miserable if I’m not caring for my body. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to drop other things from my life or change who I am.
They were the one who was suppose to be different. And now I’m once more left wondering what is so inherently wrong with me that I can’t seem to garner support for anything that I try to do in life.
What happens when I want to visit my friend in Israel over the summer? Where will my friends be when I make my post-graduation decision? Why can’t I still be loved when I lightly snooze while watching football?
After a terrible day of eating a lot of absolute crap (though I won’t count it as a binge because I was in constant control), I realized that while this sucks majorly and makes my heart feel heavy, it shouldn’t be a reason to stop feeling good about myself and my accomplishments. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but that doesn’t mean that my opinions and feelings are of lesser importance than theirs. I have worked so darn hard to feel happy with my level of fitness and comfortable with my body, and I’m not going to let that feeling falter just because I have another hater.
I’m going to do what I want.
I’m going to be the healthiest me I can be.
I’m going to stop pitying myself and at least get a half hour in on the elliptical today.
Fall into Fitness 30 Day Challenge.
Together, our goals for completing this challenge look a little something like this:
- Make my goal weight
- Lose 5 kg
- Lose 4 kg
- Exercise one hour for all 30 days
- Don’t binge
- Stick to a plan
- Lose weight
- Get the last few pounds off
- Have a toned stomach
- Lose 4 pounds
- Become disciplined
- Stay on track
- Lose 7 pounds
- Eat more fruits and veggies
- Drop a dress size
- Run 5 kms
- Stay within Weight Watchers points
- Increase run time
- Exercise 15 hours
- Lose 3-5 kgs
- Get back on track
- Have fun
- Run a faster mile
- Workout 5 times a week
- Lose a few lbs
- Have the energy to laugh
- Continue being active
All of our goals are so similar to one another that it only seems natural for people to embark on health and fitness journeys with others by their side. No matter if you weigh yourself using kilograms or pounds, measure in miles or kilometers, or are at the beginning or end of your journey, we all desire the same thing – to be healthy and happy.
No matter what has happened to us in the past, the present demands that we determinedly unite together to create a happier and healthier future.
While this challenge may be very open ended and encourage you to stick to your own individual schedule and plans, I implore you to reach out to those also participating in this challenge (through searching the Fall into Fitness 30 Day Challenge tag on WordPress) and lend them your support, because we’re all in this together.
Last night I had a long and crazy dream. It involved Harry Potter, an evil 2-Dimensional frog, and little children who kept trying to throw my laptop into a hotel pool. But, it was another image that had the biggest affect upon my nighttime fantasies.
I was getting off of a bus and filing into a hotel when I noticed my friend Lisa standing in front of me. Lisa has always been slightly heavy, but my dream version of her had lost significant weight and was looking great. As I continued walking towards her, I was overcome with jealousy at her amazing transformation and wanted nothing more than to bring down her accomplishment and prove how much better I was than her.
Harsh. I’m not proud of dream Katy. I wouldn’t want to be friends with dream Katy. But I also recognize where dream Katy is coming from.
Not all green eyed monsters are bad
I haven’t been doing that well with my weight loss, and I think I needed a kick like this to spur me into action. Why should I sit on the side munching on potato chips while everyone else jogs right on by? I could either lash out at others as they progress, or I could recognize that I have the potential to change myself and happily join the world in success.
I wasn’t happy with a lot that happened in the dream. I wasn’t happy with how I felt about myself, how I was acting towards a good friend, and how I didn’t care about changing.
But now that I’m awake, I’m ready to change not just my body, but my attitude.