Oops!…I Did It Again

While my self-actualization sure was the tops, we all knew it couldn’t last. And the past week has seen me fall into terrible binging habits and a lack of exercise…Can’t say that I haven’t been here before, can’t say that I won’t overcome where I am right now. All I can do is be patient with myself as I try to break off this unhealthy relationship once again – through song!

[I actually considered singing my own version of this Brittany hit, but I decided that I’d rather not lose the lovely followers that do not deserve to hear my nasally nasty gnarly singing voice. Instead, feel free to play the song while reading through my more fitting lyrics]

no no no no no

no no no no no no

I know I did it again

I made me believe I had overcome

Oh dang it

It is just a slip-up

But it doesn’t mean that I’m giving up

Cause to lose all of my progress

Well it’s just so typically me

Oh candy candy

[CHORUS]

Oops!…I did it again

I ate too much food, didn’t go to the gym

Oh candy, candy

Oops!…You think I am done

That I just want fun

I’m not the quitting type

You see my problem is this

I’m eating away

All of the food I can get my hands on

I cry, watching my waist

Can’t you see I’m a fool in my body shape

Cause to lose all of my progress

Well it’s just so typically me

Oh candy candy

[CHORUS]

Oops!…I did it again

I ate too much food, didn’t go to the gym

Oh candy, candy

Oops!…You think I am done

That I just want fun

I’m not the quitting type

Hey, Those Goal Things Actually Work!

A few days ago I decided to create a list of October goals related to health and fitness. I’m a big fan of goals, though I haven’t really spent too much time on the monthly goal bandwagon.

I followed up with this whim by taking out a note card and etching down some things that I figured I’d be pretty happy to see happen this month. They included:

IMG_2715

  1. Run a race
  2. Begin 10K training
  3. Have 2 bad days
  4. Attend 2 group fitness classes a week

And surprisingly, I’ve already seen steps being taken towards these goals.

  1. Run a race — I’m signed up for a 5K around the University of Maryland on Sunday the 6th. I’ve been sticking to my running quite well and am thrilled to be starting this month off on the right foot. Or the left foot, we’ll see once I actually begin the run.
  2. Begin 10K training — Printing the schedule was definitely a good start.
  3. Have 2 bad days — Last month I had 3 days where I overate terribly and binged on a lot of the food in my room. I feel as if it’d be unreasonable for me to expect perfection from myself, so I’ve limited the times I’d like to stumble to two. Well today, as on many weekends, I found myself in the Danger Zone. I had just eaten my second kashi bar after munching on some carrots and hummus when I went to reach for the cereal. Then I stopped and thought. Do I want to waste one of my bad days this early in the month? No. I put the cereal back down and started this post.
  4. Attend 2 group fitness classes a week — I love the group fitness classes that our school offers, and I know that if I make sure that I attend them I’ll feel happier from varying my workouts and getting better results.

october goals

Already the goals of the past have shaped my decisions of the future. And I couldn’t be more grateful. Even though I ate about 350 unnecessary calories tonight, my stomach is no where near bulging and I feel proud of myself for recognizing the behavior before it got out of hand.

Even if these goals see no other actions being taken towards them, I’m grateful for this tremendous start to the month of October.

Pizza with a Side of Epiphanies

I haven’t had a great time these last couple of days. I’ve stressed over money, had intensely emotional fights with my brother, and been stuck in so much traffic that I’m beginning to wonder if others are in danger just from driving on the road with me. Needless to say, my eating habits haven’t been so stellar. In fact, they’ve been downright out of control.

stressed is desserts

I’ve been staying active a bit more than usual, which is a blessing since my diet would make a sumo wrestler cringe, and after bowling this morning, I decided to go out for lunch. I stopped by Firehouse Subs to enjoy a deliciously meaty sandwich, and felt so satisfied and full. While licking my fingers, I pondered, “Why would I ever need to snack? If I can just feel this way after my meals all the time, getting healthy will be a breeze!”

Now I know what you’re saying. Why are you talking about subs with the word “pizza” in your title?

For those sad folks who saw this coming, it’s because after my fantastical filling lunch, I stuffed myself with two cold, mediocre, heartburn inducing pieces of pizza. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I did this. What’s worse, I can’t figure out why, after the first unsatisfying slice, I ate a second!

I was willing to overlook this stupid pitfall, when I was hit by something other than heartburn, an epiphany.

If I saw anyone that I cared about, or even a stranger on the street for that matter, doing what I just did, I would stop them faster than you can say “pepperoni”. I would tell them, “You’re better than that. You should care about yourself more than that. You shouldn’t treat your body like that.” I would shake them until they truly understood, “You’re worth so much more than that pizza. You deserve to find happiness from life, not food. You are a special person deserving of your own love!”

love yourselfIf I would say that so readily to a stranger, it’s a bit sad that I’ve struggled to say it to myself.

But not anymore.

I love myself and deserve to have my body treated with respect and reverence.

And you all should feel the same.

When the Clock Strikes Nine, The Hungry Will Dine

I’m innocently lounging around on my couch. The TV is occasionally tuned in to something on TLC. Perhaps I’m in the midst of writing a blog. I could be knee deep in an Agatha Christie mystery. It may even be the case that I’m taking a moment to rest my eyes.

And then it happens.

cheesecake o'clock

The clock strikes nine.

In a zombie-like trance I shuffle into the kitchen. My books and comfy couch forgotten, I open the food pantry door with a stealth I didn’t know I could possess. The crickets silence. The lights dim. A sudden glimpse of my cat’s tail darting around the corner hints at the terror that will soon follow.

My intense stare falls upon the food.

And then it happens.

The ravenous beast lurking somewhere in the depths of my belly comes alive and transforms this carrot and hummus munching day-goer into an ice-cream and candy creature of the night. Popsicles, popcorn, Pop Tarts, nothing will survive as I conquer the kitchen and mark what is rightfully mine.

Actual photo representation of my transformation.

Actual photo representation of my transformation.

And then it happens.

cat in food bowl

As if waking up from a deep sleep, I truly open my eyes to a scene of utter carnage and destruction. Wrappers litter the counter space as the trashcan overflows with bags of chips so empty that not even a crumb remains.

How could this have happened again?

Who could ever tame the savage beast?

Why do we keep buying deliciously creamy and tempting jars of peanut butter in the house?!

Fighting the Siren Song of Peanut Butter

All today I’ve been chillin’ around the house, where we have a kitchen, where we keep food, where I like to gorge myself. Needless to say, temptation ensued.

heart in peanut butterI kept finding myself rushing over to our kitchen cabinet where I’ve perused through bags of Tostitos, Spongebob shaped mac n’ cheese, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, just gearing up to binge the day away. I’ve been in a bit of a funk with not feeling that great and stressing out over my two unpaid internships and financial situation for the summer, so I’ve been letting myself slide with a lot (something I’ll soon address on Living the Life). I was perfectly prepared to allow myself to give into the siren song of the chunky peanut butter, but as I kept finding myself inching closer to the cabinet, I realized a few things.

  1. I eat out of habit. I wasn’t hungry any of the times that I wandered into the kitchen, I just expected to find myself eating because I was home and we had food.
  2. boredom eatingI eat when I’m bored. Even though I had a full day, none of it was really enough to captivate and hold my attention, but food would have allowed me something mindless to occupy my time with.
  3. I’m bored with food. I’m in a ¬†groove where I truly don’t care about food or what I’m eating. I’m sick and tired of obsessing about food, be it junk or healthy, fruit or veggie, organic or processed, I just don’t want to even think about it!

I’m happy with all 3 of these realizations because they granted me the strength to walk out of the kitchen and into our less tempting living room. I know a time will come when these findings will change, or when I choose to ignore their influence over me, but for now I’ll take these discoveries and shut the cabinet door for good.

It'd be sad to let this become my motto.

It’d be sad to let this become my motto…