Weight Loss Embarassement

I don’t tell people that I’m trying to lose weight.

I say that my stomach hurts to explain away saying no to cake. I tell people that I’m meeting friends at the gym to ensure that I couldn’t break my plans with the elliptical. And I pay no attention to how my clothes fit so that people don’t know how often I think of my body.

I don’t like drawing attention to the fact that I’m trying to be healthier.

And I know exactly why:

I don’t want the embarrassment that comes with professing to be so devoted to my health, only to renege on my goals and go back to openly professing my love of brownie style cookies.

Because that’s what happens. A lot. I prove exactly how much I’d like to get and stay fit by going to the gym every day, eating exactly the right foods, and beinga model of excellence for all of those with similar goals. And then something happens that makes me slip (that unknowable force that suddenly takes away the happiness you feel when running and leaves your only source of satisfaction as entirely dependent on consuming an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s) and I’m left floundering to explain to those same people that I suddenly don’t have plans with friends at the gym and that my stomach is miraculously feeling better and do you have any extra cheese I can put on this sandwich?

It’s embarrassing.

cupcake marathon

I know that it would be good to get support from those around me, and I know that so many people would be there to cheer me on if I could only be open and honest with them, but that’s hard when I’ve rightfully come to expect failure from myself.


10 thoughts on “Weight Loss Embarassement

  1. I’ve thought like this too over the years. Sometimes I keep it to myself thinking I’ll be more successful with less pressure and sometimes I blab it so that I’ll be more accountable. I’m a perfectionist and it’s usually that unless I lose weight and am active “perfectly” then I feel like a failure. I’m starting to try to look at the big picture and see that being fit is a journey where there might be some steps back and accept that as okay. At least I’m trying to do that, but it’s hard.

  2. I can totally understand what you’re saying here because I am exactly the same way. I think Cynthia is right in saying that it’s a journey. I also think that being focused some of the time is better than just never taking care of yourself.

  3. When you say ” but that’s hard when I’ve rightfully come to expect failure from myself. ” tells me what your problem is, and it is a mental one. I could go further but will cut to the chase. It is good to have people support and cheer you on, but none of that really matters if you don’t believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, then why should others?

    I hope I am not coming across as harsh but this is something YOU have to take head on and defeat. You can do it but only if you really, really put your mind to it.

    • Honestly, I’ve tried all of my life to stay healthy, and all of my life I’ve failed. I’m not being hard on myself, I’m being honest. I just need to find a way to acknowledge those failures and continue to move on and to believe that I can one day stick with something.

      • I didn’t think you were being hard on yourself, and it sounds to me you have more than acknowledged your past mistakes. I guess what I am getting at is it sounds like you are allowing yourself to hold onto those mistakes, and I think that is part of the reason you keep falling into the same cycle.

        As George Strait once sang, “It’s hard to let go and leave the past behind, but it’s the only way you can find some peace of mind”…. As far as to address the last part of your comment. I pray God helps you find that belief in yourself that you can stick with something. I believe once you discover that, you will be unstoppable.

        Do you have someone you completely trust that could be your accountability partner? I don’t mean someone in the blogging world, but someone who sees you regularly?

      • I have been rethinking over my last couple of comments and I owe you an apology, because I don’t think I did a very good job of wording what I was saying. I think I probably came across the wrong way, and I am sorry for that.

        You seem like such a nice, sweet, and friendly person. I don’t like seeing you feeling or talking like you are a failure…..That has been on my mind for a couple of days now. I hope things are going better now.

      • Oh goodness please don’t even worry haha. I love all of the support that I get from the online community and it really helps to balance out my tendency to look to brutally on my less than stellar attempts at weight loss haha

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