Sigh. I’ve done a bad thing.
Yesterday morning I was all cheers and smiles. I ate an oatmeal breakfast then had a turkey sandwich and fruit to follow up for a light lunch.
After 12:30 I didn’t get another chance to eat until 6:30. My grandparents came to visit and we were supposed to have a crab feast, but my Dad didn’t order enough for me because he thought I wouldn’t be home. There was no room at the table. I was feeling sleepy.
I grabbed a bag of pretzels (mistake 1, not using a bowl).
I believed that I could control myself (mistake 2, not portioning).
I tasted their salty deliciousness and could not stop myself from eating (mistake 3, snacking instead of eating dinner).
From then on I went on a tear. I ate cookies, a huge and unhealthy salad, Italian ice, and more pretzels. In large quantities.
Enter this morning.
I woke up determined not to continue this binge and to just forgive myself for yesterday’s transgressions. I even had a different blog topic for today about exercise…But instead, I accepted the invite to my pity party and wallowed in self doubt, loneliness, and a lack of self confidence, all with my trusty sidekick junk food by my side.
I know that I should just get back on track, but it is so difficult to forgive myself. To forget that I’ve hurt myself this badly. I know that I planned to love myself, but how can I love myself when I’m pushing down feelings of anger, frustration, and hatred at the same time.
For now, I’m going to try getting back on track.
For now, I’m going to continue with my exercise plan.
For now, I’m going to use this blog to avoid snacking temptation.
For the future, I’m going to conquer my binging problems, love myself, and consistently exercise and eat well.